The Stuff of Nightmares

So the other night I was perusing the USEA website, as well as some local show venues, putting together my own little calendar of all the horse trials from different areas that are within reasonable distance to me. Then I went upstairs and to sleep.

::Dreaming::

I’m at an event, seemed to be Carolina Horse Park, and walking my XC course. I find it odd that 5AB is a tricky combination, including a full coffin, on the BN course, but keep walking the rest anyway (note: I suck at walking XC courses alone- please see here and here if you need proof- so the following could ACTUALLY HAPPEN in real life).

Dreamlike POOF! And now I’m back at the barn, tacking up P and talking to Husband: “You have to go by the jumps with the black numbers on the white background. Not the yellow anymore. I accidentally walked the Novice course so Trainer B’s changing my entry from BN to N because I don’t have time to find the BN course.”

I for real woke up and froze…making sure I was in my own bed and not at a horse show where I was about to ride a Novice XC course.

Then I was talking to Trainer B about the plans for this weekend and mentioned it in a “haha, this is so hilarious” type of way.

Expecting a “haha, maybe in 10 years” response.

I then mentioned this absolute hilarity to Husband who has seen us struggle even more than Trainer B has. And Husband’s reply was, “He’s right.”

Don’t get me wrong…I know we can do N dressage. N stadium? I don’t doubt that we could do that as well, given P’s latest rockstardum in that particular phase. And we’ve even jumped a couple Novice XC jumps recently. But a FULL XC COURSE? Hard pass. And here’s specifically why:

A random picture from Google

MDHT Novice

MDHT Novice

MDHT Novice. Guess who’s never going to MDHT?

Stableview Novice

Whidbey Island Novice

Tables and similarly shaped wide structures are what will most certainly be the death of me. I don’t know why they get to me more than any other jump, but they do. Even at STARTER, if there was a table I’d give it the evil eye. And let’s not forget my meltdown over jump 5 at Full Gallop (which, as it turned out, I didn’t even NEED to jump, but I digress). I just have a thing about tables, ok?

And a couple other items as well. Like brush. Those jumps with brush can be up to 3’7″. Who actually needs to jump that high? Because if you think P will jump THROUGH brush like a normal horse, I’m here to tell you you’re wrong. And since I can’t get over wide things (literally or figuratively), while BN obstacle width is a mere 4′ (still OMG), Novice is JUST UNDER SEVEN FEET. That seems excessive.

I also have no use for this thing.

I see a certain Trainer B taking P around his first (ok, first few) Novices. Because I’m going to need irrefutable proof that P can jump a Novice table before I clamber on the beast. I’ll also require a shot or two (or 7) of tequila.

Don’t be alarmed…just KC in the startbox

I’m sure I can’t be the only one who hates a certain type of fence. So spill, guys. Or at least make something up and leave it in the comments so I don’t feel so alone.